The battles of an autistic advocate

Today I found a new blog on Facebook, another mum blogging about her son's life as an autistic kid. Now, I'm all for parents advocating for their child but a huge part of our community is growth, open communication and constantly learning, so when I saw the title of the page (child's name WITH autism) of course I sent a quick message on explaining why most of our community don't like the term -we are proud autistic people after all, autism isn't just something we carry around but is who we are.

Instead of being thanked for the additional information (when am I ever) I got back a lot of deflection, how I was asking the parent to stop blogging (I wasn't) how I was saying they weren't supporting their son (I hadnt) and one person even said he would not use the word autistic and likened it to cancer. Well thank you for that ignorant, abelist comment pal.

After being questioned on how my insight could possibly hold any worth (we are obviously ignoring the fact I'm an autistic advocate and have been an active member of the community online for over a decade, constantly interacting with other autistic teens and adults) the owner of the page just decided to "agree to disagree."

What a privilege.

Unfortunately, this isn't a new occurance. I've found that my biggest problem in being an advocate is the parents who have already been fed so much misinformation by doctors or other nuerotypicals who, for some reason, fear autism. Parents of autistic children are the biggest hindrance in the growth of our community and living a positive, fulfilling life (please note, not all parents. I get that) and it goes from the basic moms who call themselves "special needs moms" or "autism moms" to the parents who torture their kids with hours of ABA therapy.

Just look at the Judge Rotenberg Centre. Parents have praised the workers there for administering ELECTRICAL SHOCK THERAPY to their children. And not even small zaps, but full on and constant electrical shocks for showing autistic or other none nuerotypical behaviours. Their children are being cruelly abused and parents are praising that treatment.

I have seen parents belittle and infantilise their children, speak for them, tell other adults they are "grieving" because they have an autistic child or purposefully hold their child back from finding their talents and attributes. It is absolutely heartbreaking to see and these children deserve so much better.

What concerns me is that when an autistic person challenges a parent of an autistic child, the autistic person is in the wrong. Cause the parents know best, right? In reality it is society who gives these parents an inflated platform. If a parent of an autistic child opens a blog and talks about their child's life, they will get more sympathy and views then an autistic advocate. Our voices are being drowned out because these adults do not know how to embrace our community and learn from it.

If you have an autistic child, you should want to be the best advocate you can be to make sure your child doesn't face the same abelism, or at least has your support through it. You should want to contact as many autistic adults possible to continue to learn, instead of going to doctors and other nuerotypicals who rely on old stereotypes. When an autistic person talks to you, you should want to listen because they are giving you valuable lived experience and are the best people to educate you.

Advocacy is tiring, and I want to give it up many times, but I cannot rest whilst there is so much abelism out there. So please, parents of autistic children, give us a damn break and just listen for once as you might actually learn something.