Things I realized about 2024, and what I hope for 2025

Those you love won't always love you back the same amount. 

Even if they say they're your friend, it doesn't mean they're going to support and help you when things get hard.

You're going to be by yourself more than you're going to be with those you love.

Many are all talk but very few actually take action.

A true friend makes time for you, no matter how busy life gets.

You can't trust anyone not to hurt you. You just have to make yourself strong enough so that when they do, it won't matter so much.

A lot say many things, but never mean any of them.

Thoughts for 2025

I'm giving myself the glow up I deserve.

In 2025 I'm reading for pleasure, not just for reaching a reading goal.

I'm definitely going to try read the classics!

I'm going to try and write more, even if it's a few random chapters that might never turn into a book.

Coffee and cake dates on a weekend are coming back!

I'm not offering anything to anyone, not even my time. If they need or want me, they know where to find me.

Thoughts to write down

It's so close to Christmas now and honestly, I can't wait to have a rest. My mental health has been awful with work and I've been trying to hang out with friends as a distraction but no one's taken up the offer once, and so I've started drinking alone whilst dancing to 90s pop classics instead.

I do think the universe has me down as someone who needs to live life alone, as if to say "I need you to be able to handle this for what I've got in store for you." If there is a god, whoever they are is getting a huge punch to the gut when I finally meet them. 

But rather than be maudlin, I'm hiding in books, wine and a lot of trashy TV shows instead. I'm obsessed with Rivals, which is absolutely divine and I adore the scandals. I also love the Grand Prix skating final as that kid who can do a back flip on ice? Gave me chills.

If the last week of work doesn't do me in, I've a line up of dark romance books to read on Kindle, a huge box of Guylian being delivered on the 20th and fresh cheese to go with the French rose.

I'm of course going to be playing Dreamlight Valley as well, though I might switch over to Palia as I've been abandoning my little house, though I do hate shooting the deer for money! Poor Bambi.

Although I will be mega broke by January, I'm determined to have a fitness kick and am purchasing a mini treadmill because I have gotten slightly chunky this year and have a very slinky dress to get into for my 30th, and I'm determined to have a total glow up because I deserve it, even if very few will notice and appreciate it.

Have a lovely week loves, and enjoy Christmas ❤️

Christmas joys

Christmas has become quite a hectic time now that I'm an adult, and around other adults who get incredibly stressed out! However I still have the Christmas spirit from when I was a child, and here are a few things I'm looking forward to.

Christmas movies

Santa Clause, The Polar Express, Elf and Love Actually are all big favourites for our family. They're absolute classics and I adore watching them. I especially love the Love Actually scene when Sam was running through the airport to say goodbye to Joanna. It was so lovely and innocent, and the kiss on the cheek just makes us smile every time!

Christmas dinner

My mum is an amazing cook but really pulls out all the stops when it comes to Christmas dinner. There's cheeses, stuffing, cranberry sauce and of course the homemade Wellington. I'm drooling just thinking about it. I actually get more excited for the food than I do the presents!

Christmas Eve box

Now I'm older, my parents give me a Christmas Eve box with Christmas PJs, sweets and bed socks and we all get cosy and watch movies. It's such a sweet tradition and I adore it.

My dog 

My dog absolutely adores wrapping paper! When we're opening presents his whole body starts shaking and he tries to open them too. It's so funny and I love watching him.

The ballet

Every year, myself and my mum go to the ballet and this year it's A Christmas Carol. It's always so festive and magical, and we make a full day of it by going out to eat and then getting the little ice cream pots during the interval. Last year it began to snow just as we left the theatre and that was so wonderful!

What are your favourite parts of Christmas?

Reflecting on kindness

 There's a kindness expo today run by a charity I have supported for years and put a lot of money into, and for the first time ever I didn't go. I've been reflecting on what kindness truly means this past year especially when it comes to big groups that push certain messages.

I always tried to centre myself around those whose main message was kindness, however I've realized that kindness is individual and sometimes comes with stipulations. What is kind to one person isn't kind to another.

For example, I had a lot of friends refuse to share my fundraiser to help with medical debt. Just sharing it on their socials could have helped massively and I wouldn't have had to suffer any longer, especially when one of my friends had quite a lot of influence. Instead, they all refused because of their rules on how they acted kind. Kindness to them was that they only did things that sat right with them, and it had to be the same rule for everyone so they didn't get overwhelmed with requests from strangers. Their point, I understood, but it also meant that I had to take a loan out, cut back on meals, spent half a year paying the money and would sit in freezing cold rooms with blankets on. I'd work longer hours and take on extra side jobs. Because of the stress and not getting any help, the treatment ended up being useless because I was in so much pain from exertion. 

One act of kindness, even taking a little of the load off or setting aside personal rules for a friend, could have made things very different.

I now refuse to ask for any help, and will never post a fundraiser no matter how dire things get.

I've also experienced faulty kindness when it comes to autism. Those with bigger platforms have asked me to educate them or asked my advice, but I've never been invited to write or say anything for their platforms. Instead, I'm free labour whilst bigger platforms get praised! It's why I stopped posting anything to do with autism and why I don't join in with AA month anymore. A true kindness would be to be sat at the table with everyone else.

When it comes to kindness, there is a lot of hypocrisy. I've been messaged before by those who work for kindness charities to say I'm too negative, due to my depression and anxiety. These same people will then post about mental health awareness. There will also be multiple posts about checking in on friends, however it's a false expectation that they don't carry out.

It's hard to define what kindness is when so many act for their own satisfaction, however to me kindness is about giving a space for someone to tell you what they need, and having your actions also match your words. Such kindness can include:

-Having a specific half hour to chat to friends

-having proper conversations and not just small talk

-parallel play 

-having the option to video chat or call

-acknowledging struggles and asking how that struggle is going and what you can do to support

-joining in with interests 

-reminding friends why you love them and what it is about them that brings you joy

-more actions instead of just words

-making plans and not empty promises 

-accepting love languages instead of refusing them

-treating struggles as a thing to care for, not a hindrance or a burden

Kindness is about hearts joining together, and recognizing one another, and that cannot be done when there are stipulations or you're acting for your own interests. It's acknowledging that your life includes others, and that time with them is precious and short. I think, in the age of social media and all these groups on kindness, we've lost the true meaning and only act on the appearance of kindness, whilst going about our day being unkind or thoughtless.

My favourite updates of Dreamlight Valley

As friends will know, Dreamlight Valley is my special interest as an autistic person. I play it every day for as many hours as I can, and neglect all my other games because this one is the best.

My parents have even tried getting me other games just to get me off Dreamlight Valley, but I'm a DV lover for life!

With all the new updates, here are my favourite things about the game as well as things I hope they bring out in the future

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Storybook Vale

As a book lover I absolutely adore this expansion pack. It's the little details that make it absolutely divine, such as the bookshelf walls and the trees filled with books, the origami creatures and the new items you can purchase in the store.

New recipes

The new recipes have been inspired by Greek dishes and they are so much fun to make! I especially love making Spanikopita which is my absolute favourite thing to have at any Greek restaurant.

More space 

Space was a huge issue as in the main Valley, you can only have 600 items and that was soon reached with all the decorating and houses we were filling our Vallys with. Knowing that there were more characters to come, it was a little unnerving as there just wasn't the space, but with the new expansions and the addition of the floating islands, there's now plenty of room!

I adore how Merlin wanted his library to be moved to a floating island, and so I'll definitely be creating a cosy, book filled island for him.

Things I hope will happen

The forgotten 

The forgotten has been hanging around for a while now, and I so want to be able to give her a name and a proper home in the valley! Maybe the treehouse can be repurposed as that's not really being used.

I also want to be able to interact with her and have her be part of the story again because the whole point was for her not to be forgotten anymore!

Bring Peter Pan and Winnie the Pooh to the Valley

I would adore building the 100 acre wood in the Valley, and I do love Peter Pan. We have the Skull Rock, so it's strange that Pan, Wendy or Hook hasn't made an appearance yet.

More moonstones!

This is a huge issue for DV fans. We just don't get enough moonstones, and even with the dream snap rewards there just isn't enough to get the items you want. I've been after the Pizza Planet for ages now and still haven't enough moonstones for it. If the purpose is to make fans spend actual money on moonstones, I'd ask the creators to please reconsider. We're all broke and we just want to play our game without additional financial stress. The price of the expansions are bad enough!

Make the items more interactive 

It's fine having all these decorations about, but we can't really do much with them. I'd love for the record player to play music, or to be able to fill the bath tub! It'd be great to have a SIMS like experience in the Valley.

All in all though, I adore this game so much and I will never stop playing it. It's the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last thing I do just before going to bed! I'm a Dreamlighter forever!

Taking "breaks"

Pausing, when your mind is always full and loud, seems impossible. When just existing is an entire demand, how do you just walk away and then go back to it a few moments later?

Part of my wellness plan is to take regular breaks and regulate when things get too much, or to prevent them getting too much, but simply moving to a quiet space for a few minutes seems daunting to me -after all, I'd be stuck with my own thoughts with nothing to distract me from them.

Being alive in this world breaks my heart, and so putting effort in to be happy and enjoy life is a true challenge, but is one I'm determined to win at (I am incredibly stubborn, and will live just out of spite if I have to.) 

I do not think I can achieve true peace, my mind simply won't allow for it. With my sensitive hearing and light sensitivity, even a "quiet" spot isn't quiet at all and can cause a sensory overload, and I have to take a full bag of equipment just to handle five minutes outside.

Then there's the pain. When my pain is at its worst, just sitting with it is the most awful thing. Some days I want to rip my arms and legs off to escape the nagging pain that goes on in my joints. There's no way to rest or relax when I'm aware of this pain.

So what is the key to completing my wellness plan?

Well, it's not a 10 step yoga and kale plan for sure, because that's something I cannot commit to. What I do know is that I feel better when I focus on what I love, which is:

-comfort (my bed, blankets)

-reading or puzzles

-animals

-dreamlight valley

-cake

And so my "taking breaks" and following the wellness plan to slow down a little will look something like this:

-nap as soon as I get home from work

-be in bed before midnight 

-cake break at 11am

-Read on lunch break 

-Spend as much time with the work dog as possible

-invest in some handheld puzzles that I can take to work 

-play dream light valley to destress 

Most of the wellness plans that exist are made by neurotypicals, so to make them autistic friendly it takes turning it on its head and looking at things from an upside down perspective to make it work!

Truths I didn't admit so that the internet wouldn't hate me

1. I shop on Shein. 

I actually love Shein, as it's the only place I can get affordable clothing. Even the charity shops around me are double the price of Shein, and I'm so tired of people going on about the ethics when most of them shop in Primark or on Amazon anyway. No store that gets it's supplies from abroad has ethics, and that covers most of the high street stores. If I didn't buy from where I could afford, I wouldn't have any clothes.

2. Reality TV.

I'm actually a huge reality TV fan. The Hannah drama on Below Deck? All of the MAFS controversy? And lets not forget Come Dine With Me and the "such a sad little life Jane!" 

I love grabbing the duvet, a bottle of wine and watching reality TV. My mum and I plowed our way through Gogglebox, The X Factor and MAFS and we love talking about the episodes we watch.

3. I do not recycle much!

I get so tired and fatigued with my disabilities that everything goes in the trash. It's easier and honestly, my plastic consumption doesn't affect the current state of the world. When big companies stop making plastic, then I'll start to believe recycling can work.

4. I'm only 90% vegetarian

I actually eat gelatine because it doesn't bother me! I think because it's in a sweet, I don't see it as something that's come from an animal and don't see the dead flesh. Also Haribos are really good.

5. I don't want to advocate 

Being online, I always felt like I had to advocate for others and do lots of work because that's just what people did. There were so many messages about speaking out and joining in with people's causes, and if you didn't you were seen as not being supportive. Thing is, it takes so much energy and you're sucked into belief systems that you don't stop and learn first, to see if you actually believe them. Id rather move away from the noise of the internet and figure out my own truth, and help those directly in front of me. Plus there's too much hypocrisy on those who preach "kindness" online. I'd rather find the daily kindness and not be swept into a bigger cause that forgets it's true intent.

6. I'm a modest woman.

I am fully supportive of dress codes in schools and work. What I'm not supportive of is the message that girls are being "provocative" or "distracting boys", I think that's totally wrong, but I am a believer of smart dress and don't see the reason for wearing a skirt small enough to be a belt, and having your entire behind on show. I believe in classy, modest styles and I miss the way women used to dress in the 60s and 70s.

7. I don't think any parent that lets their child under 16 have access to a phone or tablet is a responsible parent.

I'm a firm believer in a Montessori upbringing. There's so much evidence of delays in the brain and behavioural issues from technology, as well as online safety issues, that any child shouldn't have access to tech. It's also annoying that it's used as a tool to help "regulate" autistic children, as I am autistic myself and my parents never used tech to help me regulate. There are so many safe options that don't end up with a tech addiction, and so many articles from parents who have gone tech free and seen a drastic improvement in their child's development and behaviour. 

I am so grateful to my parents for giving us only an hour TV time a day and not letting us have phones until we were adults, and only letting us on the computer when we had homework. 

8. Large age gaps should be illegal.

I hate any age gaps that are larger than 9 years. I think it's really unhealthy, especially when you have two people at totally different stages of maturity and development! Dating anyone young enough to be your child absolutely disgusts me and it feels predatory.